The Safety of the Movies

This one is going to be a little hard to write. 

For many, perhaps even most, people, movies are entertainment and little more. Something to look at while you eat popcorn, a fun Saturday night and so on. For others, movies are an art form to be analyzed and studied. Neither of these approaches are wrong, but neither fully explains me and my approach to movies. 

When I was growing up, we had a VCR, a big silver model that was top-loading with a remote control that was attached by a long cable. Because of this early 80’s technological marvel, we had lots of tapes full of movies we taped off TV. To this day, if I watch one of those movies that we had taped off TV (even if it’s on Blu-Ray), I still no exactly where the commercials are. Everyone in my family liked movies. We would recite our favorite bits at dinner and it was one of the few things that we did with each other. 

For me, movies was where we didn’t argue, where we didn’t fight, where no one had screaming breakdowns threatening suicide. In short, they were safe. 

I leaned into this safety. This bit of escapism wherein true love conquered all, where villains got their comeuppance, where families were dysfunctional but loving and where anything was possible. In those movies, I wasn’t woken up by my brother choking me. In those movies, I didn’t have to listen to my mother tell me for the umpteenth time that one day she was going to leave and that I’d never see her again. In those movies, I wasn’t fat, weak and confused. 

I did what seemed right at the time: I watched more movies. LOTS more movies. Before long, I was watching films that others in my family had never even heard of. What my family saw was a fat, antisocial teenager sitting on his ass watching TV. What I saw was the entire world. I saw Samurai and silent clowns, sadistic gangsters and honest cops (sometimes the inverse), a place where the little guy could win, where the beautiful girl would find his idiosyncrasies and neurosis adorable rather than weird. 

Is it any wonder why films became the great love of my life? 

I know I’m not alone on this. Many people use art as a method of escape, be it music, books, paintings or what have you. My escape just happened to be movies. 

These days, movies aren’t an escape anymore. I have a better wife than I could have ever hoped for and children that are wonderful. Now, it’s just a passion, a love that I try to share with others. I sit on the couch with my family and watch a movie just to share, just so they can enjoy it.

 I no longer want to escape.