If Everyone's a Critic, Then No One Is

           I recently saw the mega-blockbuster crowd-pleaser The Avengers. I found myself the one quiet person in a room full of cheers and applause. I could give you a whole list of reasons that the film did not inspire in me the joy that everyone else shared, but I won’t.

Why?

Two reasons:

First, because it wouldn’t matter. The Avengers has already made a ton of money and is in the process of making its second ton.

And second, my blog is not about reviews. There are ten thousand other sites you can visit for reviews. Nearly all of the reviews for The Avengers have been positive (although some, like Roger Ebert’s, are positive if lukewarm), but this hardly matters anymore.

Why doesn’t it matter, you ask?

Because no one listens to critics.

How many times have you heard, or have you yourself said, “I don’t listen to the critics,” when discussing a film? Be honest. I’ll even be honest, I’ve said it quite a few times. There are movies I didn’t like that the critics loved and there are movies that I liked that the critics hated. It happens. A difference of opinion. Critics are, after all, human. Perhaps that critic just happened to wake up on the wrong side of the bed that morning. Maybe that critic just caught their spouse in the arms of another man and is in no mood for the latest perky rom-com that Hollywood has to offer. Maybe critics have seen so much they are numb, and a film has to be amazing for them to feel anything. Maybe critics only like movies that are grainy, foreign, black and white pictures, devoid of plot but full of “meaning.”

Ah-ha.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

For many, that is the image we conjure up whenever anyone mentions “The Critics:” stuffy, older, pudgy gentlemen, with unpleasant dispositions, a thesaurus at their side, bookmarked to “bad,” ready to call us simpletons for daring to enjoy a Hollywood blockbuster.

Some of you may see me that way.

(Side note- one of my favorite jokes about critics comes from the mid-nineties animated series “Freakazoid.” In this particular episode, critic Leonard Maltin – playing himself- introduces the cartoon, saying, “At first critics loved this cartoon, but then they found out it wasn’t foreign.”)

These are The Critics, over educated people with a stick up their ass just aching to get on TV and be derisive. They’re like political analysts, wretched human beings who complain and criticize, but do nothing to help. 

Unless you happen to agree with them, then they are the voice of reason in an insane world.

The funny thing is, there are now more critics than ever. Between newspapers, television and the internet, anyone, anywhere, can publicly state his or her opinion no matter if it is intelligent, slap-dash, reasonable, pig-headed or completely off-topic. Everyone’s got an opinion and everyone is able to share it. Sadly, this means that the ones worth listening to get lost in the noise.

Film criticism used to be limited to those who were experts, but no longer. Go to rottentomatoes.com and gaze in horror at the sheer number of critics out there. And remember, those are just the ones that they listen to.

So, why do they do it? I believe that the majority of critics do it because they genuinely love movies. There is a thrill when you see something truly wonderful and you go out and tell others about it. You have witnessed a masterpiece and you want to shout it from the mountaintops. Granted, those moments, when you strike cinematic gold, are few and far between, but when they do come, you’ll find critics dancing like Walter Huston in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

I used to write film reviews for my college paper, and can tell you that there is more than a few of those reviews that I no longer agree with, some I even disagreed with by the time it went to print! I can recall the time I was invited to a sneak preview of Pay it Forward that started at eight o’clock. My college paper wanted the review by eleven that night, which gave me an hour, more or less, to write up my response. I spoke highly of the film, but, as the hours and days passed, I thought about the picture and realized that it wasn’t very good after all, but it was too late to change my review.

Sometimes, we must let a film digest for a while, really absorb it, think about it, play it over again in our minds, respond rather than react. The movies don’t change, but our perceptions of them do. I can think a of a few films that I did like upon initial viewing that I thoroughly enjoy now (Fargo, Dr. Strangelove) and some that are the exact opposite (Clerks, Serenity). That movie is the same movie, but I’m not the same person.

You can ask me today what I think of a new movie and I’ll tell you, but, just for shits and giggles, ask me again in five years.

Just remember, ladies and gentlemen, critics are only trying to help. You don’t have to take their advice or heed their warnings. You are free to see and enjoy any movie you wish. I’ll even go see it with you.

If you’re buying, that is.